Behind Cold, Closed Walls
by Lovatic1966
Summary: "I thought I was turning into someone for you to love." Sequel to What You Used To Be. Rated M just because or maybe because of possible later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

I practically raised Jade; the girl knew so little because she hid so much in her shell. I started to gently coax her out into the open until she outgrew it and left a trail of blazing confidence behind her. She bests everyone, even Tori, because even though the brunette is talented she needs to gain experience, which is why she gets so many roles and parts. Jade knows the reasoning behind her usurpation when in comes to Tori; so to remind everyone of her presence she often ends up pulling one of her dramatic stunts or pranks, sometimes blunt and to the point, other times so elaborate you have to wonder just how much time that she put into it. In my opinion, almost fact to me, Jade is the most talented out of every student here at Hollywood Arts. That I'm proud of. Because I helped her reach the point of confidence that she always wanted, but she's also gained so much from it on her own.

I don't know what she thinks of me anymore. Does she see me as nothing more than another face at Hollywood Arts, one with familiarity, but eroded meaninglessness all the same? Or does that hidden organ protected by her ribcage long for me to be at by her side again, as a faint whisper of something from her past if nothing else? Maybe it's even gone so far as just indifference. Could Jade simply scorn me? I've been retreating so deep into myself lately...raveling and unraveling old memories and producing fanciful ones; analyzing slowly before reshelving carefully as I would a delicate piece of art for later viewing. I'm sure everyone else has noticed; I spend so much time doing it there's no way they can refuse to acknowledge my seemingly blank stare and immobile body. I spend hours in the invisible process.

When I'm on stage, whether it be singing, dancing or acting, I come back to life. My gallery of precious memories is temporarily locked and put in the back of my mind and then I'm Cat again; I'm _me_. As if Jade hadn't ripped a piece out of me when she left me behind. The stage is my home; I'm safe, untouchable. Jade's untouchable wherever she goes; no one dares step in her way. I hardly make a comment unless spoken to, and well over half the time I deflect the inquiry with some random thought in the recesses of my mind, places that Jade somehow left untouched, or perhaps I created those places on my own; to hide my thoughts from everyone else.

And now she's telling me that she thought I wanted her this way. This confident, almost self-absorbed person that comes down harshly on the most innocent of people just for spite. _My _Jade wouldn't have done all this; shoved people to get her way, played cruel pranks or pulled stunts for revenge. My Jade wouldn't, but this one would and she has. She's clawed and spat at everyone. Everyone but me.

_I didn't want you to be this, Jade._

I was - had been thinking that thought for so long and so often it simply slipped out with the source of all my obsessive fawning in front of me. The look on her face is peculiar; skin below her eyes turning red and puffy, looking as if she's breathed in some sort of poisonous gas that she can't expel before she bursts open with a sentence that makes only a certain amount of sense to me.

"I thought I was turning into someone for you to love."

At first I blink in confusion. _This _is definitely not the Jade I had imagined when I gently schooled the brunette girl. Maybe that was the problem. I thought I could make Jade so much like myself and with the environment she lived in - which greatly differed from mine at the time - the different factors twisted and warped what I coaxed out of the girl. My world was blissfully happy, hers laced with sharp words at a young age, bruises before bed and constant strain on her part.

I could have ended up just like her had we switched positions.

The thought is enough to snap my body back into action; I have to stretch quite a bit to take Jade's pale face in my hands. Her eyes...the ice melts before me and I see _her _there again. _My _Jade, but she's deathly confused, like a glorious creature not realizing that it's caught itself in a trap or confined behind glass.

"What did I do wrong this time, Kitty Cat?"

That sentence is so familiar to me it makes me smile. I can give you a full recount of each time she said that to me, though that would take too long. Sometimes she'd lay her head on my lap and say it, sometimes she'd be standing with her hands on her hips and so on. I touch my forehead to hers, tears in my eyes, but a smile on my face.

"You were just over thinking again, that's all."

**Short and not really an ending, but yeah.**


	2. Chapter 2

For so long Cat Valentine was the one I followed. I crawled on my hands and knees behind her, jumping at the slightest resemblance of a threat. She was my shield at the time and it only took me a few years to stand up and run, kick her to the curb without a second's thought. And she came back. Beck tells me the other students who've seen me change say I left a trail of fire behind me when I took off. Cat followed, she limped to me with flames smoldering her and I gave her nothing because I thought she'd already played her part and I was too absorbed in my newfound glory. I crowed and crowed and Cat quietly doused the flames in the shadows. But of course I grew selfish and what was once mine _always _had to be mine and that included Cat.

It was like she was delicate songbird I had captured in a cage and slammed the door shut on. I abandoned her in favor of something that promised more immediate protection, Beck, in other words. And my neglect made her vibrant feathers grow dull, her elegant shoulders drop, her bright and expectant eyes turn dead. And that was the way everyone met her. A dulled mirage of something truly beautiful, more than I could ever be. Every action and harsh word I spoke clipped another feather, tightened the noose around her neck and rusted the latch on her cage further. Yet those few times I let her out of her prison with more than a quick glance and lingered on her instead, she would sing for me. Or at least she tried. It was just a weak shadow of what the glorious melody used to be. The notes were broken and her throat choked with the dust lying thick in her cage. And sometimes I left her for so long someone - usually Tori - would finally manage to get the cage door swinging wide open. She would take a few tentative steps out then return back into the cage with hops on weak legs. I tried to make her go once. I tried to let her go because I thought we were ready to part ways and Tori seemed to always be prying at that door...but she circled back to my hands with her tattered feathers and thin-framed body, liquid eyes somehow still holding an affectionate spark.

That spark put a black burn on my dormant heart and gave it a painful jolt of realization, so simple and yet so complicated at the same time.

She still cared.

I put her through an emotional hell and she still waited with her head drooping with exhaustion, but eyes patiently locked on me.

I needed to make things right again. I'm going to.

"What did I do wrong this time, Kitty Cat?" The words blurt out before I can stop them and their familiarity hits me like a freight train. It hurts with the ferocity of white-hot razors slicing the softest of flesh and my eyes begin to water with my non-physical pain. But then Cat's hands are holding my face, her forehead is touching mine, and God it just feels so _soft _and safe with her so close. She's tender where Beck is hard planes and lines, smooth where he's rough and calloused. I remember all of this from memory and it just...its hurts and feels so good at the same time to remember. To remember when my world was bursting with vivid color and I always had that flash of faithful red at my side.

"You were just over thinking again, that's all."

_Her melodious laugh swirls through my ears as her hands ruffle my hair. "You need to quit thinking so much, Jadey. You're going to be a very stressed old lady if you keep this up."_

I find myself smiling through the salty tears, Cat doing the same as she brings me back to my true home. She held my gaze for a length of time, and suddenly the mirage bursts into beautiful reality and the latch on her cage breaks. Cat was there in her pulsating glory and all the _color, _the sheer beauty of her simply before my eyes like she was before Hollywood Arts...more tears spring into my eyes and I kiss her hard.

I don't know if I should be surprised or not when she kisses me back, lips as delicate as the rest of her, but when I finally relent for air she lets out a breathless chuckle.

"I've missed you too, Jadey."

**Personally, I'm not too impressed with this one...should I keep going? Make this into a story of sorts or do you all like it the way it is?**


End file.
